Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
