There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize