2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
