Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
