he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize