is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
