she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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