Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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