so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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