I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
