I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
