the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
