Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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