I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
