nut hugger
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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