There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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