im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
