I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
