I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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