On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
