be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
