I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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