I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Randomize
