Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
