My friends, they love my intelligence
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
