New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
