Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
