WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
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