i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
