Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
