i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
