Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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