I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
