Soap is not a condiment
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
