Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize