Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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