My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
