I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
