Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize