i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
