Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
