dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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