How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
