I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
