im about as happy as oj after his trial
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
