it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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