Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
