go do what you do best...puke behind churches
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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