What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
