Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
