Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
