The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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