the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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