Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
A bitchslap is in order.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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