Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
