I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
