I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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