just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
