I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize