Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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