Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Randomize
