woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
