He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize