Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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