I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
