why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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