just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Randomize