When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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